i am chuckster

hello friends

I know my website isn't very functional right now, but I really wanted to get my feelings out. Today is October 8, 2023, and I'm not sure if I have any friends. It's possible that it's all in my head, but the main group chat that I'm in (with the people I've been friends with for years) doesn't feel the same anymore. It feels like they never acknowledge my presence, and any attempt at communication with them makes me feel ashamed and defeated. I've tried doing everything. I tried distancing myself from them, I tried reaching out a bit more, yet it always feels like I'm the only one who gets hurt.

I realize that the people in that group chat have other groups that they talk to. They have other priorities, yet for me they are the only people I have left to talk to. I'm just fighting a losing battle trying to get closer to people who won't give you the time of day. Any attempt at vulnerability is met with ignorance or disinterest.

I know I should get new friends. In fact, it's been over 2 years since I felt this way and I'm still stuck in the same predicament. It's kind of shameful of me. To be stuck with people who don't appreciate you is probably what I've been having the most trouble with these days. Yet, I can't seem to find anyone else I can connect with. I think I just hate 90% of people. It's very irritating. And sad. I wish I wasn't like this. I wish I could learn to get along with people. That is what's keeping me from living a happy and fulfilling life. Hopefully I get a bit better, little by little. Thanks for reading.